headache was like a goddamn truck had gone over my skull. I struggled to open my eyes, the sunlight blinding me almost instantly. I squeezed them shut again.

"Ugh..." I groaned, my body feeling like a collection of broken twigs. Every single joint screamed in protest. I coughed again, a racking fit that nearly sent me back to blacking out. I pushed myself up on my elbows, peering down at the ground.

Beach. Fine, white sand, almost powdery under my fingertips.

Wait, what the hell?

I looked around. Palm trees. Seashells scattered everywhere. The air smelled like saltwater and something else... something vaguely metallic, like old pennies. And that noise. A faint, rhythmic sound, like waves lapping at a shore, but different. Deeper. Like a giant cat purring underwater.

I scrambled to my feet, ignoring the way my legs wobbled like a newborn giraffe's. "Okay, okay," I muttered to myself, trying to get my bearings. "First off, I'm not on a beach. I'm on... somewhere that sounds like a beach but isn't a beach."